TOP 10 UNLISTENABLE PRETENTIOUS INDIE CRAP OF 2006

I want to apologize for the "Best of" music lists that I posted the other day. If you actually visited some of the sites/blogs that I linked to, you might have found some good indie rock songs. However, there's an equal chance that you also accidentally heard some unbelievably horrendous garbage. Holy sweet wolfmother, some of this stuff is atrocious! Indie bloggers seem to be in the mindset that they have to "outcool" the next guy by choosing bands that are obscure, avant-garde, and uncategorizable, preferably all of the above. They also want to praise their new find way before anyone else, and I don't think they actually spend any time LISTENING to it. When I hear some of this nonsense I wonder if people actually listen to this stuff at home, in the car, or at parties? I'm guessing no. These pseudohipsters just put it on their iPod along with 5,000 other things and listen to it on shuffle occasionally, and whip it out to impress god only knows who.

Before I slogged through some of these lists, I used to consider myself an "indie rock" fan, but I think I need a whole new genre to describe my tastes. Maybe "conventional indie rock": something with lyrics, a chorus, melodies, and a singer who can (sort of) carry a tune. A great deal of this stuff lacks all of those key ingredients that IMHO make music enjoyable and listenable.

So here's my TOP 10 UNLISTENABLE PRETENTIOUS INDIE CRAP OF 2006. Listen if you dare.

10. Grizzly Bear, Yellow House. You know, with a name like that, I expected something less wimpy. Okay, the song "Easier" is not that bad, but it surely doesn't ROCK MY FUCKING SOCKS OFF.
Favorite hipster quote: "The album was recorded in Edward Droste's mother's Cape Cod home, and that familial, clean sheets, cookies-baking warmth is weirdly palpable." (Pitchfork)

9. Regina Spektor, Begin To Hope. Just listen to the annoying way she extends the word "heart" in the song "Fidelity". I don't ever want to hear that again. I wish there was some way to UNhear it.
Favorite hipster quote: "The hushed 'Sampson' combines biblical imagery and references to Wonder Bread to sketch a relationship that's turned unexpectedly fragile." (Onion AV Club)

8. Matmos, The Rose Has Teeth In The Mouth Of The Beast. An instrumental album filled with songs about famous gay artists? What does that even fucking mean? And where's Liberace? His exclusion from this project is an outrage. (Actually, I think I just hit on something: if it's described in a review as a "project", that means listening to it is going to feel like work. From now on, I'm going to focus on "albums" with "songs".)
Favorite hipster quote: "Take for example 'Public Sex For Boyd Mcdonald' which tries to convey the writer through the sound of a pencil scribbling on paper, the street at night, warped records, and well, public sex."
(Note: I just found out that one of the 2 members of this duo is a "Pitchfork contributor". Ah ha! I caught you, you nepotistic nimwits!)

7. Final Fantasy, He Poos Clouds. A band named after a queer Japanese videogame series. An album title with the word "poo" in it. A song lyric saying something about, "His massive genitals refused to cooperate/no amount of therapy can hope to save this memory." I want to kick this twee twat in his throat with his own foot.
Favorite hipster quote: "It's the personal nature, together with the way that Pallett’s vocals veer from fey to screamingly intense, which makes the sad fates of his characters in almost every song—impotence, boredom, self-harm, being killed by giant fish—compelling rather than abstract." (Stylus)

6. Man Man, Six Demon Bag. Well, they're certainly no Tin Tin, The The or Talk Talk; they don't even beat Lisa Lisa. It sounds like James Hetfield trapped at the circus. God, what the fuck is this?
Favorite hipster quote: "The countless Kodak moments here-- from the drunken lament of "Feathers" to the Noreaga shoutout on "Black Mission Goggles"-- only attest to Man Man's ability to power pawnshop ditties with a ramshackle classic rock bigness." (Pitchfork)

5. The Knife, Silent Shout. The Pitchfork Media #1 album of the year! Uh huh. Lord knows, I tried to listen to this, but the accents and the synths just irritate me. If I wanted horrible retro Swedish crap, I'd buy a bean bag chair from IKEA.
Favorite hipster quote: "The way they structure their tracks, every sound sticks out like a lone wire waiting to be stripped, but the more you tug on any given strand, the more all the rest--unstable harmonics, queered pitches, android shanties, looping tales of forest families--is plunged into the most addictive kind of inscrutability." (Pitchfork)

4. The Liars, Drums Not Dead. I don't know where to begin with this drum heavy offering. The song "Let's Not Wrestle Mt. Heart Attack" is like one long primal drum solo augmented with the screams of the tortured souls forced to listen to it. Pretty soon you'll add your own screams.
Favorite hipster quote: "You will be hard pressed to find anything better this year." (FUNTIMEOK.com)

3. Boris, Pink. God, this is so irritating to listen to, like a Mogwai CD run across a cheese grater. "Pseudobread"? Pseudomusic! (See how I turned that around?) I call it "Crapcaphony".
Favorite hipster quote: "Prickled nerves and spasmodic movements aside, Boris’ contribution to the artistic color field is soporifically monochromatic: Ryman on Risperdal." (Stylus)

2. Scott Walker, The Drift. This guy's voice contains more bombast than Meat Loaf's Bat Out Of Hell III and Andrew Lloyd Webber combined. It's like goth opera for the mentally challenged. I defy you to listen to his song "Jesse" and not laugh your ass off, oh let's say at about 2:15 in.
Favorite hipster quote: "Presiding over this palace of gloom is Walker's gnarled, throaty croon, a gallows moan that braids sweetness and violence." (Pitchfork)

1. Joanna Newsom, Ys. This is inexplicably on most people's best of lists. If you want listen to a girl from California who has such an arty, affected voice that you'd think she's from Saturn, then this is for you. Otherwise, stay away from this pretentious Bjork ripoff.
Favorite hipster quote: "In the middle of this record, she sits alone with her harp for 10 minutes, asking stuffed birds 'Why the long face?'--it feels like four minutes, tops, and you can spend at least two of them right up toward the edge of your seat." (Pitchfork)

God, I am so done with Pitchfork and their indie sissy wannabe spinoff blogs (except if they offer free mp3s). 2007 is going to be the YEAR OF THE ROCK.


(Thanks to David Thorpe for the inspiration for this extended indie rock rant.)

MY TOP 20 FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONGS

Here it is, my incredible Top 20 Favorite Christmas Songs list!

Wherever possible, there's a link to a YouTube video or an mp3 (thanks, random bloggers!). Those who did not make the cut: Lennon and/or McCartney, Elton John, Mariah Carey, Jim Nabors, Wham!, Jim Jones, Alvin & The Chipmunks, The Singing Dogs, Perry Como, Barney and Friends. Honorable mention: Death Cab for Cutie, Billy Crystal, James Brown, Run-DMC, Smashing Pumpkins, Kate Bush--there just wasn't enough room. Better luck next time!

20. Luciano Pavarotti - Adeste Fideles. Because you have to get your Latin on for Christmas, and who better to do it than the Biggest Tenor.


19. South Park's Mr. Garrison - Merry Fucking Christmas. Filthy, inappropriate, non-PC, and hilarious: yep, it's one of Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics from "South Park", back when they were shocking AND funny. It was hard to choose just one of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's side-splitting holiday tunes (Chef's "What The Hell Child Is This?", Cartman's "O Holy Night", and Mr. Mackey's"Carol of the Bells" are also highlights), but it's hard to beat Mr. Garrison singing these lyrics: "Hey there Mr. Muslim, Merry Fucking Christmas, put down that book the Koran and hear some holiday wishes! In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus' birthday, so get off your heathen Muslim ass and fuckin' celebrate!" Wow, that's fantastic. (You know, I haven't seen it on TV in a while, I wonder why?)

18. Beach Boys - Little Saint Nick. Before Brian Wilson lost his mind, they were a quality boy band.

17. The Pretenders - 2000 Miles. I love Chrissie Hynde. She's always been a class act, and this is a great, wistful song about being apart on Christmas.

16. Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree. The original and the best.

15. The Ventures - Sleigh Ride. Surf guitar kings knock this one out of the park.

14. Cocteau Twins - Frosty The Snowman. The original shoegazer band recorded this song in 1992. I love Elizabeth Frazer's voice, even if 90% of the time I have no idea what she's saying. (Unrelated note: "Teardrop" by Massive Attack is one of my favorite songs, and is also the theme song to House M.D., albeit with Liz' vocals edited out.) Remember: if it's not Scottish, IT'S CRAP!


13.The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale of New York. "You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot, Merry Christmas your arse and thank God it's our last!" Ah, memories of spending the holidays with my Irish ex-girlfriend in the Bronx. Hearing this song I can practically taste the pint . . .

12. Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby. Unfortunately, most people have only heard Madonna's abomination of this song, but this sultry, smoky original version is excellent.

11. Frank Sinatra - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. You know when Ol' Blue Eyes says the line "make the yuletide gay", he ain't talking about acting all queer-like; he's talking about knocking back a few scotchs and having a fun time. Capice?

10. Ella Fitzgerald - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. Great version, and the only one I know with that "I just got back from a lovely trip across the Milky Way" opening line.

9. Gene Autry - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I remember listening to this album in our old house at 659 Holmdel Road in Hazlet. Wow, just seeing that vintage record album cover brings me back to 1975. Yeah, he sang a few songs with George Clooney's aunt back in the day.

8. Burl Ives - A Holly Jolly Christmas. From the Rankin-Bass claymation legend "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".


7. Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas. I can picture the King washing down his fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches with a healthy swig of egg nog after singing this bluesy romp.

6. Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song. His mellifluous voice makes this the quintessential version of this Mel Torme classic.


5. U2 - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home). Recorded during a Joshua Tree concert sound check at the height of their powers. You know, before Bono tried to save the world and all that.

4. Vince Guaraldi Trio - Christmas Time Is Here (Vocal). West Coast jazz from the 70s TV classic "A Charlie Brown Christmas". I couldn't decide between this and "O Tannenbaum".


3. Bing Crosby & David Bowie - Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy. From "Bing Crosby's Merrie Olde Christmas" special in 1977, the little skit preceding it with Mr. Bowie pretending to be a "neighbor just popping in" is priceless. ("Agents sliding down the chimney!" Oh, the comedy.) Anyway, it's a fantastic song, and the "I pray my wish will come true" line still gives me chills.


2. Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas? This was an event when it came out in 1984, and I can still name all the singers that sing solo on this tune (in order): Paul Young, Boy George, George Michael, Simon LeBon, Sting, Tony Hadley (of Spandau Ballet), and Bono. Of course, there's also Midge Ure, Bob Geldof, Paul Weller, Status Quo, Kool and the Gang, Bananarama, the rest of Duran Duran, Phil Collins on drums, Marilyn . . . did I lose you yet?

1. Johnny Mathis - Winter Wonderland. The first track of his Merry Christmas (1958) album, it's not officially Christmas until I hear this song. Backed by the Percy Faith Orchestra, it's got just the right amount of spirit and schmaltz to carry me to otherworldly snowy realms. Sorry, it just makes me feel tingly, especially when he says "circus clown".

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(Just make sure you don't let that tree dry out.)

BEST OF BEST OF 2006 LISTS LIST

At year's end, it's hard to avoid these damn "best of" lists. So here is my BEST OF BEST OF 2006 LISTS LIST:

10. Most Annoying Pop Songs of 2006. I really thought Fergie was going to clinch this (ugh, I hate her). This MUST be amended to put Gwen Stefani's new song on here.

9. NPR Listeners Pick Best CDs of 2006. Odd considering all the ass kissing that this is one of the few lists that Tom Waits is on. Don't miss The Decemberists on The Colbert Report tonight!

8. I Guess I'm Floating's Best Songs Of 2006. There are 25 mp3s up here, so if you're indie (ha) that sort of thing grab them now.

7. Indie Rock Cafe Top 10 Albums of 2006. Although it's a rerelase of two early albums, I like the inclusion of Spoon's "Telephono/Soft Effects".

6. Slate. Like Kris said today, I don't even know half of the things on this guy's list, and it's heavy on the R&B, light on substance. Though they like Bob Dylan.

5c. Pitchfork Media's Worst Album Covers of 2006. NOT SAFE FOR WORK--or your funny bone! Ha ha, seriously, these are bad.

5b. Pitchfork's Top 100 Tracks of 2006. Unless you're being ironic, turn that Justin Timberlake song off. I'm only linking to all 10 pages for the copious amount of free mp3s. [2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10]

5a. Pitchfork Media's Top 50 Albums of 2006. The second list they've spewed forth in as many days is a doozy. Oddly, there were 15 albums ranked higher than their eventual #1 pick (by some Swedish band called The Knife). Maybe it's for the best, because unlistenable stuff like Joanna Newsom, and "maybe I don't get it, but they sound like an ordinary bar band to me" The Hold Steady, each of which scored a 9.4.

4. Stylus Magazine's Top 50 Albums Of 2006. I can't read more of these, I have a headache. Anyway, good to see Beirut up there. (Note: they should be finishing this up over the next couple of days.)

3. DoCopenhagen's Top 50 Videos Of 2006. This is an indie heavy list, and it's fantastic. Damien Rice's "9 Crimes" should have been on here just for its complete weirdness alone. Regardless, 50 embedded YouTube videos = an amazing time waster.

2. The Onion AV Club Top Music of 2006. They too went with the "retro record player" photo, but their list is strangely more indie than PM's. Huh. I like the Onion more and more each day.

1. Metacritic's Best of 2006. Probably the most "democratic" of all the lists, it too is a "list of lists" that compiles everyone else's best of 2006. I have to say that I'm not hip enough to know who Ali Farka Toure is. By the way, I love how everyone was all ga-ga about Gnarls Barkley at the beginning of the year, and now no one wants to admit they listened to it. Of course, if it wasn't a hit and no one bought it, it would be everyone's #1. (I don't care how many people like TV on the Radio, I refuse to buy an album called "Return to Cookie Mountain".)

PANDORA BOXING DAY

I found a great way to listen to Christmas music on Pandora. Create a new station, and type in your favorite artist and type "holiday" in parentheses. Like this: "Bing Crosby (holiday)" and you'll get all the Bing holiday classics that you can shake a bowl full of jelly at. Then you can add music to the station using the "(holiday)" name. Although beware: Barney (yes, the purple dinosaur) was just caught singing "Twelve Days of Christmas" on my station, and I had him captured and shot. We're not having another Jurassic Park fiasco. Not on my watch.

Merry Pandora!

RANDOM DUMPAGE

U2's Bono and Edge were on something called "Off The Record with Dave Stewart" on HBO. Although it felt a little like an hour long commercial for their new completely nonessential U218 singles album (IN STORES NOW!), it was interesting to listen to them talk about the genesis of songs such as "Bad" and "Bullet The Blue Sky". Eurythmics founder/producer Dave was an affable, knowledgeable host, but he did this weird "association" segment where he showed them album covers and had them comment on each one. When showed a copy of "Sgt. Pepper", Bono said something about The Beatles being "the overall top group ever . . . but I think we've got them on the run", which elicited groans from the crowd, and from me sitting at home. I also didn't agree with them when they said that "their best work is yet to come." Personally, I think I already own all of their vital music. After seeing them in concert in October 2005, and hating their last two discs, I don't have any use for them. But hey, they had a good run.

This is the best "rock n' roll mission statement" I've ever read: "Ghostland Observatory is not a band, but an agreement between two friends to create something that not only heals their beat-driven hearts, but pleases their rock 'n' roll souls". Amen, brah.

I love David Thorpe's hilarious musical rantings on Something Awful called Your Band Sucks, and his latest musings about heavy metal are priceless.

COMING SOON: MY TOP 20 XMAS SONGS OF ALL-TIME!

ALL YOU NEED TO BUY IS LOVE

When I first heard about The Beatles releasing LOVE (JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS!), I gagged. The sheer audacity of these guys, constantly reworking, remastering, and rehashing their catalog and spitting it back at us, forcing us to purchase it over and over again. When I heard it was remixed by George Martin and his son for a Cirque de Soleil show, I cringed. When I saw the subtitle "At The Mirage" on the cover, I threw up in my mouth a little. The Beatles in Vegas! God, how I wanted to hate it.

Then I listened to it. I apologize; this album is excellent, inventive, sonically impressive, outstanding.

The Beatles have had all of these adjectives and more used to describe them over the last 40+ years, and when they were in their creative prime it's hard to argue that they didn't earn them. Like the Pitchfork review says, they were so good that they're no longer interesting to talk about. In fact, I get sick of hearing about them, and I'm a Beatles FAN. However, this impressive 21st century updating of their best material just might make them interesting again.

The best thing about this: it's not a "best of" (purists, you may leave now, and take a copy of 1 on your way out). On this sprawling 26 track suite, the songs seemlessly flow from one to the next; the sheer scope of this project is impressive, and overall the source material has never sounded better. But while a number of their songs remain mostly intact, lovingly tweaked and augmented with various instrumental clips, the fun of this collection is the artful reinterpretation of various songs remixed to fit right in with the current "mashup" music landscape. Hearing "Drive My Car/The Word/What You're Doing" and "Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite!/I Want You (She's So Heavy)/Helter Skelter", "Within You Without You/Tomorrow Never Knows" blended together is nothing short of a revelation. It also reinforces my theory that producer George Martin was the glue that held this foursome together as they personally began to unravel during their final few albums.

The highlight for me is the reworking of "Strawberry Fields Forever", which starts with a smooth transition from Lennon's initial acoustic strumming to the final psychedelic masterwork, and closes with musical flourishes taken from "Sgt. Pepper", "In My Life", "Penny Lane", "Piggies", and "Hello, Goodbye" among others (yes, they're so familiar at this point that they might as well be tattooed on my brain)--the overall effect is simply stunning. And while not every track is a slam dunk (the string-laden "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", now 100% Clapton-free, is a little too maudlin for me, and no one needs more "Octopus' Garden"), it's a great representative cross-section, as well as a creative revisiting, of the Beatles' best songs.

Say what you will about this collection from a commercial aspect, but this sonic recreation of their best songs reminds me why I loved The Beatles in the first place: they were peerless songwriters, and a fun pop band that didn't take itself as seriously as their fans do. Viva Los Beatles!

(Great. There's a 5.1 surround version I haven't heard.)

TOM WAITS NEWS: THE DAILY SHOW AND MORE!

I'm sure everyone has seen The Daily Show but me, but for some reason a video clip of his performance isn't up on CC's oh-so-wittily named MotherLoad (ha ha, I get it!!!). I'll have to watch it tonight on the 8PM rerun.

Meanwhile, here's a great Mr. Waits interview on Pitchfork. You know, for every 10 things I hate about them, they manage to come with 1 or 2 good ones.

This book also looks interesting, in case you need to get me another Xmas gift: "Innocent When You Dream: The Tom Waits Reader" (edited by Mac Montandon), which is a compendium of interviews from 1974-2004.

TW will also be starring in a movie called Wristcutters: A Love Story, about people who attempted suicide. Sounds like another lighthearted romp for Mr. Waits, to rival Mystery Men! The official MySpace info site is here.

Orphans is also available on Emusic.com. Hmmm, I'll have to download it (at least the first two discs worth).

DIE, PITCHFORK, DIE!

Here's a great Slate.com article: DIE, PITCHFORK, DIE! by By Matthew Shaer.

To me Pitchfork Media is pretty harmless, and I only read the reviews for comic relief (and download their free mp3s, of course). If you take their pompous 8th-grade-English-class-quality musings that seriously, you need to get your head examined. Anyway, screw music reviewers, and their condescending, arrogant 1.9 ratings for Damien Rice's new album (I have to admit, it's a chore to listen to). As a famous songwriter once said: "There's a new band in town but you can't get the sound from a story in a magazine." That's right, I just quoted William "Billy" Joel. I suddenly feel like Chuck Klosterman.

TOM WAITS ON LETTERMAN

The elusive Mr. Waits visited the Late Show studio tonight in New York, and even got a sit down segment with Dave. During their discussion, he talked about raking leaves on Thanksgiving at his house in Spittleville, California (?), his kids' TV watching habits (TV meaning "turkey vultures" apparently) and the (incorrect) origin of "dead ringer". Okay, the stories are much more interesting when he tells them.



He closed the show with a performance of "Lie To Me", from the new Orphans collection. (Note: CBS has cut a deal with YouGoogle, so this performance may end up there at some point. I'll keep an eye out.)




I'm still waiting for him to add some more tour dates. I might have to make a road trip and actually see him this time. Tomorrow he's on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. (Maybe he'll be the second guest to perform a song, like The White Stripes a few years back. We shall see.)

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: THE HEARTLESS BASTARDS

To answer the eternal question "What's on my non-iPod digital music player?": The Heartless Bastards. Yes, they sound like a punk band, but like Death Cab for Cutie they sound nothing like what their name would imply. This Cincinnati, Ohio blues/rock group's second album, All This Time, starts off with a simple two-chord piano riff and builds to a chorus with rumbling drums and growling guitars, punctuated by singer Erika Wennerstrom's intriguing voice (I hear a little Patti Smith and Beth Orton in there). Their sound is simple, straightforward, uncomplicated, and unpretentious.

The entire album is streaming on their website, and their record label's site has two free mp3s to DL (see below). Fellow Cincinnatians WOXY.com website has a great "Lounge Act" in-studio live performance that will give you a taste of their sound.

But about that name . . .

Band: The Heartless Bastards [official][MySpace]
Members: Erika Wennerstrom (singer/songwriter/guitarist), Kevin Vaughn (drums), Mike Lamping (bass)
Album: All This Time [Amazon][emusic]
Label: Fat Possum
Best Tracks: Into the Open, All This Time, Searching for the Ghost, Came A Long Way.

WXPN: 885 Greatest Artists of All-Time

WXPN, UPenn's college radio station, has complied an exhausting list of the 885 Greatest Artists of All-Time. As you'll see by the list, it's every artist to ever produce music in the history of mankind. Here's the top 100.

1 THE BEATLES
2 BOB DYLAN
3 ROLLING STONES
4 BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
5 U2
6 LED ZEPPELIN
7 GRATEFUL DEAD
8 NEIL YOUNG
9 PINK FLOYD
10 JONI MITCHELL
11 JIMI HENDRIX
12 THE WHO
13 VAN MORRISON
14 BOB MARLEY & THE WAILERS
15 ERIC CLAPTON
16 DAVID BOWIE
17 R.E.M.
18 JOHNNY CASH
19 ELVIS PRESLEY
20 PAUL SIMON
21 RADIOHEAD
22 STEVIE WONDER
23 ELVIS COSTELLO
24 THE CLASH
25 THE ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND
26 MILES DAVIS
27 STEELY DAN
28 DAVE MATTHEWS BAND
29 BONNIE RAITT
30 THE DOORS
31 TALKING HEADS
32 JOHN LENNON
33 ELTON JOHN
34 CROSBY, STILLS, NASH & YOUNG
35 JAMES TAYLOR
36 THE BAND
37 JACKSON BROWNE
38 PEARL JAM
39 PRINCE
40 YES
41 TOM WAITS
42 PETER GABRIEL
43 RICHARD THOMPSON
44 FRANK ZAPPA
45 TOM PETTY
46 NIRVANA
47 RAY CHARLES
48 BILLY JOEL
49 JOHN COLTRANE
50 STING
51 SIMON & GARFUNKEL
52 THE KINKS
53 THE BEACH BOYS
54 PHISH
55 GENESIS
56 SANTANA
57 FRANK SINATRA
58 JANIS JOPLIN
59 WILCO
60 STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN
61 COLDPLAY
62 BECK
63 ARETHA FRANKLIN
64 DIRE STRAITS
65 THE CURE
66 LUCINDA WILLIAMS
67 COUNTING CROWS
68 QUEEN
69 INDIGO GIRLS
70 THE EAGLES
71 THE POLICE
72 THE SMITHS
73 JEFF BUCKLEY
74 ELLA FITZGERALD
75 MARVIN GAYE
76 JERRY GARCIA
77 B. B. KING
78 BEN FOLDS
79 RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS
80 ANI DIFRANCO
81 TORI AMOS
82 LEONARD COHEN
83 WILLIE NELSON
84 FLEETWOOD MAC
85 THE VELVET UNDERGROUND
86 THE RAMONES
87 WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART
88 THE MOODY BLUES
89 LYLE LOVETT
90 RYAN ADAMS
91 PAUL MC CARTNEY
92 LOUIS ARMSTRONG
93 CAROLE KING
94 JOHN HIATT
95 JOHN PRINE
96 THE PIXIES
97 LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN
98 PATTY GRIFFIN
99 WARREN ZEVON
100 JETHRO TULL

I like seeing the Pixies edging out Beethoven, and Tom Waits beating the crap out of Mozart, that's classic. There's no arguing or debating the validity of this (e.g. Sting ranked higher than The Police, or the Dead better than Pink Floyd), because it's the FINAL AUTHORITATIVE LIST and it is INSCRUTABLE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN ADAMS, YOU CRAZY BASTARD!

Ryan Adams turned 32 yesterday, and boy is he one screwed-up mofo. A prolific musical genius, an asshole, a dork, maybe all of the above. From critical acclaim (Heartbreaker, which had me at "Argument With Rawlings Concerning Morrissey") to critical bashing (Rock and Roll), he's been all over the map. Perfect evidence of his enigmatic oeuvre can be found at his new Battlestar Galactica designed website with a welcome rap with the lyrics "It's autumn in New York, y'all!" If you dare click on the multitude of buttons (be afraid, be very afraid), you can find Teleport with blog entries, an optical illusion, a Missle Command game (no shit), and random song snippets. Then there's Cardinals Radio (named after his band, not the World Series champs) where you can stream a bunch of his tunes, as well as enjoy the Beck-ish rap stylings of DJ Reggie, and various rap/country/punk tunes by The Shit (all of which are Ryan Adams, of course). I can't decide which is my favorite song, "David Fucking Letterman", "Hillbilly Joel", "Drunk Santa", or "Drunk As A Pile of Shit". Wonderfully weird and pretty hilarious.

His birthday blog entry celebrates music, being sober for 6 months, chocolate, Eddie Izzard, meeting Jennifer Aniston, and spending his birthday in Trinity Church with Cowboy Junkies playing "Sweet Jane"--a lot more exciting than my birthday. Most of all I respect the guy for doing whatever the hell he wants, hipster naysayers be damned, because that's what music is all about. Happy birthday, you crazy bastard!

STREAMING DUMP: DAMIEN RICE "9"

DAMIEN RICE's new album 9 is now streaming in its entirety on AOL Music. It doesn't seem to play with Firefox, so I'm currently sampling it on (GASP!) IE 6.0. The things we do for music.

See the previous blog entry right here.

SCARLETT'S PASTIES AND A G-STRING

Scarlett Johansson has signed a record deal according to FOX News, and will be releasing an album of Tom Waits songs next year. I think this news has everyone collectively saying WTF? But in my eyes, she somehow managed to get HOTTER. I didn't think it would be possible.

This has brought out the punsters, and since I can't make a better joke allow me to quote this AOL Music Blog article:

We're pretty certain that a good portion of the country's male populace has had the phrase 'Pasties and a G-String' run through its collective mind upon hearing the name Scarlett Johansson. For some reason, however, we doubt that those visions feature the actress singing the Tom Waits song of that name -- which may be the best folks can expect, at least for the time being.

I guess we'll have to wait a while for The Island 2. She hasn't really been in a good movie since Lost In Translation, though I'm in the minority I didn't particularly enjoy that one.

A short list of songs I'd like to hear her sing:
Everything Goes To Hell
Bad Liver and a Broken Heart
16 Shells from a Thirty-Ought Six
Warm Beer and Cold Women
What's He Building In There?

A short list of songs that she might actually do (my first musical blognostication):
Time
Hold On
Ol '55 (already done by Sarah Maclachlan)
Tom Traubert's Blues
I Wish I Was In New Orleans

Scarlett Johansson Sings Tom Waits [AOL Music Blog]
Scarlett Johansson Record Deal in the Works [FOX News]

SMOKING GUN: BACKSTAGE PASS

The Smoking Gun has compiled over 200 rock star "riders", which are lists of backstage requirements for touring musicians. Naturally, they're pretty absurd. The newest one is for The Killers, who apparently require Makers Mark bourbon on Mon, Wed, Fri, while preferring Jack Daniels on Tues, Thurs, and Sat, and Jameson on Sundays (because it's The Day of Rest, I suppose).

Although I couldn't click on all 200, I've highlighted some of the most interesting requirements I've found so far:

Guns n' Roses. Wonder bread and Dom Perignon for Axl, porn mags for the band.
Van Halen. Wow, that's a lot of tequila! (This must be from the Van Hagar days, before he marketed his own.)
Sinead O'Connor (2002). "Root ginger - raw (about two hands worth)". (Huh?)
Christina Aguilera (2000). "Flinstones Vitamins".
Paul McCartney (2000). "Paul's furniture should be nice & comfy!" Jeez, that's better furnished than my apartment.
Meat Loaf. First of all "'MEAT LOAF' is two (2) words". Second, "roast beef tenderloin (cooked medium) sliced and served hot in a covered chafing tray - beef gravy on the side" and "steamed broccoli and sauteed green beans almandine (CRISP -NOT SOGGY). What, no meat loaf?
Luciano Pavarotti. "There must be no distinct smells anywhere near the Artist." Hey, he who smelt it, dealt it.
Pearl Jam (2003). A tank of oxygen, but NO BUDWEISER! Amen, Eddie.

THE D

Tenacious D is back.

JB and Kyle have a movie coming out on 11/17 called The Pick of Destiny. The trailer makes it look like a cross between The Blues Brothers and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Man, I hope it's not as bad as those two movies.

Two righteous dudes? Who came up with that lame voiceover?

They also have a video for the title song from the movie. This news is even more interesting: they're playing Madison Square Garden. How is that possible? Can they really fill that place? They seem like a Theater at MSG type of band.

Long live the D!

UPDATE: I took the embedded trailer off the blog, because it plays EVERYTIME YOU VISIT THE BLOG (unlike YouTube, and the like). That was annoying, and quite frankly the trailer wasn't all that funny. Anyway, Tenacious D was a lot more tolerable when they just appeared in 10 minute episodes after "Mr. Show".

DOWN THE YOUTUBE

I can't believe Google bought a U-Tube for over (/placing outstreched pinky finger onto corner of mouth) ONE BILLION DOLLARS. I'm sure there are cheaper U-tube manometers out there; in fact, you can build your own if you wish to check your proprane pressure. Oh, they bought YouTube. My bad. That's still a lot of money. Now it's merely going to be a huge marketing site for whores like Paris Hilton, Sean "BK Diddy Whopper" Combs and that asinine lonelygirl15 thing. What a drag.

It was fun while it lasted. But eventually, as Tom Waits once sang, Everything Goes To Hell.

Therefore I'm discontinuing my scintillating FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEOS feature because it's only a matter of time before the record companies start suing Google for copyright infringement. I also don't feel like having a truckload of dead video links on my blog.

TOWER COLLAPSES UNDER ITS OWN WEIGHT

Tower Records, who declared bankruptcy two years ago and tried to make a comeback, is finally going out of business for good and selling off all their merchandise. Honestly, this chain was great was about 20 years ago, and when I was still buying records I would routinely make pilgrimages to the 4th & Broadway store, and during college to buy cassettes and CDs at the Philly South Street branch. I can't even tell you how many yellow and red bags I've ended up with over the years.

However I can't say I've purchased anything from them in quite some time, because they've ALWAYS been overpriced; if your non-sale CDs are consistently priced at $18.99 and up it's only a matter of time before you go under. The only thing I can say for them is that they always had the widest selection of CDs, which made all the difference when you were looking for that obscure import pressing or a rare single.

It's just as well since no one collects records anymore, or even calls them "records" anymore. Now I have to go check out the Nanuet store to see what they have left . . .

DAMIEN RICE: NUMBER 9, NUMBER 9, NUMBER 9 . . .

Damien Rice is finally returning with his second album, 9, on November 14th. This is not his 9th album, it's only his 2nd. The 10 (not 9) song tracklist:

1. 9 Crimes
2. The Animals Were Gone
3. Elephant
4. Rootless Tree
5. Dogs
6. Coconut Skins
7. Me, My Yoke And I
8. Grey Room
9. Accidental Babies
10. Sleep Don't Weep

The first single, featuring Lisa Hannigan on vocals, entitled "9 Crimes" is streaming online. It will be released on October 9 on iTunes. No word if he's including a hidden cover of The Beatles "Revolution 9". Nine, 9, nine, 9 . . . I've typed it so much, the number has lost all meaning.

IS THAT ALL RIGHT, IS THAT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU?

FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEOS: BATTLE OF THE ALBUM COVERS

This video is genius. I don't know what else to say, so just watch it.



Animated by Man vs. Magnet, courtesy of Ugly Pictures (who have some funny VW netads too).

WHAT BAND FROM THE 80's ARE YOU?

This is dumb, but I like the result. Though I was secretly hoping it would be Kajagoogoo.

What band from the 80s are you?

You rule. in 15 years, you won't be as known as you are now, but most of the people that will know you then will like you (or else I'll beat them with a stick). You're nice to listen to.
Take this quiz!








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ROCK ALTERNATIVE ALTERNATIVES

My favorite indie rock internet radio station WOXY went off the air on Sept 15th at 5:40 ET, playing Oasis "Acquiesce", Public Enemy "Fight the Power" and MC5 "Kick Out the Jams" to close out their final playlist. Ever since then I've been looking for a suitable replacement. Verdict: there really isn't one, they were truly one of a kind. Plus, a lot of the alternatives I've found won't play on my computer at work (damn WMP 6.1). But here are a few that I've tried out.

The Current. This is a Minnesota public radio station which I can't listen to at work that has a little more eclectic mix: indie rock during middays, and some blues and jazz sprinkled in, and no hip-hop whatsoever (they're very white in Minny). What little I've heard has sounded pretty good, and they also have podcasts to sample.

Radio-Indie-Pop. An awful name, but a simple concept: give the listener the control over what they want to hear. There generate a different DJ-free playlist every day, and you can skip any song you want or play it again, like an mp3 player. Nice site, free registration required.

WLIR. Okay, so they're pretending to be the old 92.7 FM from Hempstead, Long Island (which later turned to WDRE, and then went off the air replaced by a Spanish station). This was the only station I could listen to back in the 80s to get my fix of Depeche Mode, New Order, The Cure and The Clash. Judging by the predictable crud on the playlist (Snow Patrol? Evanescence?), this isn't the same groundbreaking station. But they make up for the lack of Malibu Sue by giving us the 2 hour Flashback Lunch, in case you need more Romeo Void or Book of Love in your life.

Pandora. This site with its deceptively simple web interface is a resource hog, so it's either work or listen to this. Connected with the "Music Genome Project", it theoretically feeds you music depending on your likes and dislikes, but I found it spits out some truly odd choices. For instance, the 80s channel I tried to create kept giving me Green Day and The Bravery, and my Radiohead/Walkmen/Built To Spill channel gave me back Billy Freaking Joel. Ugh! It also doesn't let you skip too many songs in a given hour, which is irritating considering about 2/3 of the songs it gives you are not what you want to hear. I guess the more varied your tastes are, the more you confuse the program.

XM's Lucy. Discovered at Bourbon Street on Saturday, they play a great alternative mix, including R.E.M., Foo Fighters, 10,000 Maniacs, Soundgarden, The Sundays. Of course, I don't have the necessary software to listen to this at work, so maybe I'll try it at home on AOL's website.

KEXP 90.3. This Seattle station has similar weekday playlists to WOXY, but it leaves a weird West Coast aftertaste. Usual suspects like TV On The Radio and Wolf Parade show up during the day, with occasional songs by The Pixies and The Smiths. After hours and weekends are specialty shows, which I don't really listen to much. This is the one I'm going to keep on in the background at work, with Radio-Indie-Pop waiting in the wings to pick up the slack.

ROCK THE CRADLE

Some creative entity called Baby Rock Records has put out CDs containing lullabye versions of songs by popular groups (under the name Rockabye Baby!). From their website:

Baby Rock Records transforms timeless rock songs into beautiful instrumental lullabies, sending your little one to a slumberland of sweet dreams. Delicate instruments such as the glockenspiel, vibraphone, mellotron, harp and bells create a soothing atmosphere of sound. These charming recordings are sophisticated enough for everyone to enjoy, yet gentle enough for your little angel. This is cherub rock for a new generation.

So far, they've covered Metallica, Radiohead, Coldplay, Pink Floyd, and even TOOL.

I can't imagine what their versions of Paranoid Android and Schism sound like. Apparently they're selling well, because Beach Boys, Nirvana, The Cure, No Doubt, Queens of the Stone Age (hopefully, these lullabyes don't paralyze, right?), The Pixies, Smashing Pumpkins, Led Zeppelin and Beatles collections are forthcoming.

Yikes. I think I'll wait until the greatest hits album comes out.

VIDEO DUMP: THE WHITE STRIPES "THE HARDEST BUTTON TO BUTTON"

Jack and Meg White of the The White Stripes did a brief but funny cameo on The Simpsons this week, appearing in a segment parodying the music video for "The Hardest Button to Button" (from the album Elephant).



UPDATE: Here's the clip from the show, which is already on YouTube.


"Hey kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?!"
'Tick Tock' Simpson and The White Stripes "The Hardest Button to Button" [YouTube]

As for the original video, it was filmed both in the 33rd Street PATH station and Central Park in Manhattan, and features a Beck cameo (the guy 2:30 into it with the white suit). It was directed by Michel Gondry, who is responsible for some interesting music videos, the excellent Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and a trippy looking new movie called The Science of Sleep.

Oh, and he's French. You know, just in case you were wondering.

The White Stripes "Hardest Button To Button" [YouTube]
The Science of Sleep (La science des rêves) - Official Site

R.E.M - BERRY'S BACK (UPDATE)

All four original members of R.E.M. played together this week, including the drummer formerly known as Bill Berry, and we have video evidence to prove it (good thing none of them murdered anyone). They did a benefit gig at the 40 Watt Club in Athens on Tuesday, prior to their Georgia Hall of Fame induction on Saturday (see previous bloggage). Here are clips of them performing "Begin the Begin" and "So. Central Rain". Stipe used the "tip your bartenders" line. Ha!


R.E.M. "Begin the Begin (Live at the 40 Watt Club, 9/12/06)" [YouTube]


R.E.M. "So. Central Rain (Live at the 40 Watt Club, 9/12/06)" [YouTube]

(NOTE: These videos only got 2 and 3 stars, respectively, on YouTube because the young 14 year old punks all over that site don't know dick about music history, and think lonelygirl15 is a real person.)

There are also some clips from the aforementioned GA-MHOF performance on 9/16/06, which I guess was only shown on Georgia PBS stations. Fittingly, the drums were mixed really loud at the beginning of "Begin the Begin", pointing out how much they miss Bill Berry. They also sang "Man on the Moon" and "Losing My Religion" from Out Of Time (1989). Enjoy while watching rich old white folks "rock out".


R.E.M. "Begin the Begin" Live at Georgia Music Hall of Fame, 9/16/06 [YouTube]

Now comes word from their official site that they might even record a song for charity, which would be the first time the 4 of them have worked together since 1997. (Not coincidentally was about the time I started to lose interest in these guys.)

VIDEO DUMP: ELECTRIC SIX "RADIO GAGA"

You may remember Detroit jokerockers Electric Six from "Danger! High Voltage" fame, with special guest Jack White. Well, now they've apparently taken the late Freddie Mercury to a gay bar.

When the original version of "Radio Gaga" was released in 1984 (on the album The Works), Queen was already far past their expiration date. The album The Game (1980) was a blockbuster success in the US, with crossover hit "Another One Bites The Dust" topping every chart that year; it was danceable and funky enough for disco and R&B fans, poppy enough for the Hot 100, with enough badass swagger for the rock chart. Think of it as a latter day Gnarls Barkley "Crazy", or as I like to call it, The Song That Kickstarted "Weird" Al Yankovic's Career. Beyond that the album showed signs of versatility, with the rockabilly-tinged "Crazy Little Thing Called Love", and "Save Me", which may have been the precursor to the metal power ballad.

Queen had a difficult time following it up, and released the plodding Hot Space in 1982 (with the Queen/David Bowie classic single "Under Pressure" tacked onto it), and never really recovered. The ponderous Radio Gaga (to this day, I have no idea what it's about, exactly) was pretty much the end of Queen's chart success in the US, a song/video combo as cliched and useless as "Mr. Roboto".

Which brings us to Electric Six dusting it off and rerecording it in 2006. I can't imagine anyone would listen to this and actually enjoy it, in a non-ironic way. This song would be a fun song to cover in concert, which would get some knowing chuckles from music fans in the crowd, but it's a pretty bad idea for a single release. However the video, ostensibly a "tribute" to Freddie Mercury (nee Farrokh Bulsara), more than makes up for it. Fake mustache? Novelty teeth? Ghost poodles? Sign me up! Someone still loves you, Freddie.



Electric 6 - Radio Gaga [YouTube]

LOW FIDELITY

This blog posting has a recommendation and a warning all wrapped up in one. I am not responsible how you use this information, but please use your best judgment.

I just read Nick Hornby's book entitled High Fidelity (1995), a witty, poignant story about a London record store owner who defines his pathetic life through Top 5 music lists. He starts off the book by listing his "Top 5 Most Memorable Split-ups", and then attempts to catch up with those 5 women who broke his heart. It's very well written, with great observations about both relationships and music. You may have seen the excellent movie adaptation from 2000 starring John Cusack and Jack Black, the former playing the store owner, and the latter at his most endearing and least annoying. I even liked Iben Hjejle as his current ex-grilfriend Laura, but it looks like this was her only American film (she's one of those Denmarkians).

Now, this is where the warning comes in. Someone in their infinite wisdom thought it would be a good idea to make this into a Broadway play. I don't know how this happened. I'll admit, I'm not a huge fan of musicals to begin with (especially those not named SPAMALOT). However, the songs on the official website are among the worst I've ever heard. To say they sound like Mentos commercials would be an insult to the Freshmaker. Just listen for yourself. This might be a worse idea than taking his book Fever Pitch, by all accounts an excellent book about English football fanatics, and turning it into an insufferable Red Sox movie starring Jimmy Fallon.

Oh my god, those somgs are so bloody awful. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little, and I really could use some of those Mentos.

All I can say is if you see this play, buy the book and/or rent the DVD, you'll only be encouraging Nick Hornsby and his evil henchmen. Go to the library and get the book or the movie for FREE, if you absolutely must. Hopefully, this will all blow over before too long. Together, we can get through this nightmare.

Oh, and one last thing. My Top Five Elvis Costello Songs:

1. Alison
2. I Want You (Album Version)
3. No Action
4. Uncomplicated
5. Green Shirt

Notice that the song "High Fidelity" is not on there. Thank you.

PUTTING ON A CLINIC

Clinic is a Liverpudlian four piece group who don't really sound like anyone else. But more importantly, they don't look like anyone else, as they wear surgical masks at all times while performing. Seriously, I caught them in concert back in 2002 in a very hot, stuffy Maxwell's in Hoboken, and they kept those masks on the entire time.

They have a new single out called "Harvest (Within You)", and the accompanying video is interesting, a surreal homage to the pagan festival celebrating the harvest. Or just some wacky English chaps in a field wearing surgical masks. Either or.

The new album Visitations will be available in the UK and on iTunes on October 16, 2006 but not in US stores in January 29, 2007. What the hell is that about?



This video for "Tusk" (thankfully, not the Fleetwood Mac song) is proceeded by a epilepsy warning, which may be a music video first.

Clinic - Harvest [YouTube]
Clinic - Official MySpace site

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

McSweeney's has some damn funny writing on their blog. Among the best stuff is JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES, which can be best described as letters written in response to a song. Okay, that's not a good description, so here are some examples.

Attention, Mr. Axl Rose: We Did Not Feel Welcome in the Jungle.

"The trip was a disaster from almost the beginning. True, you welcomed us to the jungle. And that was hospitable. And right off the bat you promised fun and games. But there were never any fun and games! Would it have been so hard to put together a bingo or a quick trivia thing? Then you promised that you and the other fellows could find whatever we might need. Well, we needed food and somewhere to lie down for a while. And all you offered was some stale pretzels and an old futon."

A LETTER TO SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND FROM SGT. PEPPER.

"Battling loneliness is difficult even without having a veteran rock band constantly drawing attention to it. I know you always get by with a little help from your friends, but the efforts of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band make my loneliness a life sentence. Imagine a day in my life, boys. Here I am, almost 64 now, with no one to turn to."

CONCERNING JON BON JOVI, WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.

"Bon Jovi is no regular cowboy. He rides a horse made of steel. A steel horse. I am not shitting you. And don't think this is some sort of comical clunky robot horse with whimsical hydraulic sound effects and extraneous flashing lights. This thing is exactly like a Thoroughbred, only much larger and made from an incredibly resilient alloy. Bullets can't even penetrate this horse, much less stop it. Bon Jovi is also armed with a loaded six-string that he carries on his back. Reports differ on whether he uses it as a sort of crossbow or whether it's actually a guitar that he plays with such shocking mastery as to render victims helpless. Regardless, take heed."

Funny stuff.

NOUVELLE WAVE?

The French musical duo (I may have already lost you, but stick with me) Nouvelle Vague didn't learn from their first mistake. Last time out they made an entire album of laid-back lounge versions 80s post punk/new wave songs, including Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough", Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart", and the Clash's "The Guns of Brixton", among others. Now they've released a SECOND album of the same dreck entitled Bande-A-Part. Their take on the Billy Idol/Generation X classic "Dancing With Myself" made me throw up in my mouth a little. (Not that the original was that amazing, mind you, but this one is cringeworthy.) It reminded me of the Mike Flowers Pops Orchestra cover of Oasis' "Wonderwall", and if you're not familiar with that, think the sonic equivalent of being beaten to death with a frilly lace cravat. Among the other songs they delicately trash this time around:

"Ever Fallen In Love?" (The Buzzcocks) [listen]
"The Killing Moon" - (Echo and the Bunnymen) [listen]
"Sweet and Tender Hooligan" - (The Smiths)
"Pride (In the Name of Love)" - (U2) [listen]
"Bela Lugosi's Dead" - (Bauhaus) [listen]

BAU-FREAKING-HAUS??? Oh, this can't be good. And my most accounts, it's a hit and miss mess, a perfect iTunes/emusic "a la carte" (French term) album if there ever was one.

A much better way to go would be the Grant Lee Phillips album Nineteeneighties, who incidentally also does a version of "Killing Moon", as well as some Pixies, New Order, The Smiths, and a great version of the Psychedelic Furs' "Love My Way" [listen].

BERRY'S BACK . . . OR IS HE?

Back when I first became an R.E.M. fan (after taping a few albums from a friend, 1986's Lifes Rich Pageant sealed the deal for me), it was always Berry-Buck-Mills-Stipe, as they epitomized the "band first" ideology. I even remember Michael Stipe once saying that if any of the four leave the band, there WAS no R.E.M. However, after drummer Bill Berry left the band in 1997 (and I consequently stopped buying R.E.M albums), there was still a huge Warner Brothers contract to fulfill, so the remaining three members continued making (sub-par) albums without him.

When I first saw the BERRY TO REJOIN R.E.M. headlines today, I felt a little jolt of nostalgic excitement (which is as useful as a really strong static shock from a doorknob). Then I clicked on the link and realized they are only getting together to perform 3 songs at their Georgia Music Hall of Fame induction ceremony (are the Georgia Satellites in there yet?) on September 16. But it's still pretty cool.

Even though he's not an "official member", Berry has played with them a few times since 1997: once at a Atlanta show in 2003, again for a friend/roadie's wedding in October 2005, and again this past year at a Minus Five show (Buck's side project). The original four piece band defined "tight live band" back in the day, and this 2003 clip where Bill joins them on a cover of Aerosmith's "Permanent Vacation" gives you a little taste of that.

VIVA LA BERRYBUCKMILLSSTIPE!



R.E.M. - Permanent Vacation [YouTube]

RIP WOXY

My favorite internet radio station, WOXY.com, is shutting down forever on September 15. I don't have to tell you how much that sucks. This (non-CC) station had the perfect blend of new indie rock, local bands (well, to Ohio, anyway), and vintage stuff (including the incredible WOXY Vintage stream). Heck, I could even e-mail them at any time of the day and request anything, Tom Waits, Portishead, Jeff Buckley . . . AND THEY'D PLAY IT! (Beat that with your satellite radio!) And it's also the only decent radio station I can (miraculously) listen to at work, one of the only things that gets me through the day (that and The Onion; if they blocked that at work, I'd have to hand in my two week notice). Now I have to slog through the other choices to find an truly alternative alternative. Ugh.

RIP WOXY.

ROCK AND ROLL THE VOTE (PART 2)

Because Gary Glitter is a convicted pedophile, and playing this song advocates improper kid touching, the New England Patriots are dropping "Rock and Roll (Part 2)" and looking for a new song. Here is the official voting ballot:

Which of the following do you think should be the new Touchdown song?

The 1812 - Overture
Ain't Talkin' Bout Love - Van Halen
Elevation - U2
Song 2 - Blur
Thunderstruck - AC/DC
Yeah - Usher

The song will be "unveiled" at Gillette Stadium on 9/10 . . . if they score a TD (they're playing the Bills, so it's almost a foregone conclusion). I predict the winner will be AC/DC, with U2 as the dark horse (due to the deep Irish ties in Beantown). The Blur song seems like more of a hockey song, and I love that band Overture but I would have chosen their classic hit "William Tell".

* * *

In other news, the new Audioslave album, Revelations (9/5) is streaming on VH1.com. I'm not a big fan, and having seen both Soundgarden and RATM in concert, the whole is considerably less than the sum of its parts (or something to that effect). Chris Cornell still has the best voice in rock and roll today, I just wish he was using it to sing better songs.

QUICK NOTES: THE FREESTREAMIN' BOB DYLAN

Bob Dylan's new album is currently streaming on AOL Music. He's pulling out all the stops this time, even doing commercials for Apple iTunes resplendent in black cowboy gear (hey, Johnny Cash is no longer using it). Wait, what is he saying--he's looking for Alicia Keys? I have no idea what the old man is rambling about. He was also recently complaining about the audio quality of modern albums, and about how the kids on his lawn should remove themselves from it. The Raconteurs, are touring with Zimmy this fall. Interesting. Considering there's already a Dylan & Jack (poor quality) recording of "Ball & Biscuit (Live)" out there, there's a chance they might perform together.

Jack White's other band, The White Stripes, will be on The Simpsons on 9/16, in an episode titled Jazzy and the Pussycats.

Beck has two new songs streaming on his goofy-ass site. To find them, hover the mouse over the upper right corner, and a boom box will drop down and start playing the songs, "Dark Star" and "Nausea". (Careful while listening, as the second track streams about 4x louder than the first one.)

Modest Mouse have a new album coming out on 12/19, and have even come up with a name for it (and its a doozy): We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Well done! I think I've figured out new guitarist Johnny Marr's post-Smiths/Morrissey career choices: only perform with bands where the lead singer won't overshadow your guitar playing (see also: Electronic w/ Bernard Sumner and Neil Tennant, and The The).

MORE CURE

The Cure have given three more of their albums the deluxe remastered double CD treatment: The Top (1984), The Head on the Door (1985), and Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me (1987). Each of the first discs features a remastered version of the album, while the second discs have over a dozen extra tracks in the form of demos, outtakes, and live cuts. I'm trying to figure out if I need to buy any of these (again), and I don't know where to start.

The Top is a bleak, cacophonic 10 song collection written and recorded at a turbulent time for band leader Robert Smith, and it shows (exhibit A: "Bananafishbones"). Fueled by drink and drugs, he played nearly every instrument in the studio, while moonlighting as guitarist for Siouxsie and the Banshees. It has its moments ("Piggy In The Mirror"), but it's mostly a strained, harsh effort. (5 thumbs up)

Released the following year, The Head on the Door marked a jarring departure from the gloom and doom, as the lead-off track "Inbetween Days" showcased the band's keen pop sensibilities. Naturally, the lyrics still describe failure and isolation (heck, it's a CURE album), but at least they were letting a little light into the dusty attic on this one, with minimal filler. "A Night Like This" is a classic pop song. (8 thumbs up)

Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me is the most fully released of the three releases, although it's a bit of a sprawling mess. Originally released as a double album ("Hey You!" rejoins the album after being omitted from the initial CD release; I guess they didn't think it would fit--how quaint) this disc has something for everyone, with the uptempo ravers ("Why Can't I Be You?"), the dirges ("The Snakepit"), and the uncategorizable ("Hot Hot Hot!!!"). But it was the ebullient "Just Like Heaven" officially put them on the map in the U.S., and it still holds up. (7 thumbs up)

Having purchased all three of these upon their release the first time around, I can't justify re-buying any of them for the remastering alone, since the extra tracks on each of these releases are curiosities at best. The astonishing 17 extra tracks on Top are all completely unessential and would be a bit grating to sit through; the 16 on Head are mostly upbeat but not very polished; the 17 tracks on Kiss Me³ are the exact same songs from the album in different forms, and everyone of them seems like a mere footnote.

My assessment: these are strictly for the überfan, though Head on the Door might be worth it for the 4 tracks that never saw the light of day before in any form. Overall, I think it's best to just save your money for the next classic album on the list to be given the remastered deluxe treatment (*COUGH*disintegration*COUGH*).

IT'S A LYRICS ZOO OUT THERE!

I hate looking up lyrics online, because there are about 4000 sites, most of which have about 3 pop-up ads per page, and 40 irritating links asking me if I want some Tom Waits and/or Shakira ringtones. Uhm, no thanks.

However, Lyrics Zoo is a little better and comes with a bonus: the lyrics sometimes also have an embedded YouTube video on the page. In some cases it's a produced video, in other cases it's a rare live video. Here are some examples:

Arctic Monkeys - When The Sun Goes Down. Being outside of England, I don't know half the things he's singing on this album. You may recognize Stephen Graham who plays the "scummy" pimp; he played Tommy in Snatch, alongside Jason Stratham's Turkish.

Thom Yorke - Analyse. Quick quiz: which one is more depressing, the video or the song? You're BOTH right!

Wilco - Jesus, Etc. (Live). Great song, whose lyrics took on an ominous tone after 9/11 (lines like 'skyscrapers are scraping together' particularly). Wilco is always a great live act, as evidenced by this clip from a recent Canada show (7/12/2006).

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California. Funny, Spinal Tap-esque video tour through rock history, though I cringed a little at the Nirvana Unplugged "parody".

Spoon - Anything You Want. This is a live performance from Austin City Limits. Great band, I'm surprised more people haven't heard of them. "I'll be in the backroom drinking my half of the beer."

VIDEO DUMP: OK GO "HERE IT GOES AGAIN"

This video is fantastic, for OK Go's "Here It Goes Again". A lot of people prefer the dance moves they bust out in the video for A Million Ways, but this one ups the ante. I've never had as much fun as OK Go on treadmills.



OK Go - Here It Goes Again [YouTube]
OK Go - A Million Ways [YouTube]

ARCHIVES.ORG

Internet Archive has a mindblowing collection of recorded media, including films, TV commercials, and various audio files. Check out the fascinating Wayback Machine, which archives old websites (like this Gateway 2000 site from Christmas 1996).

You can also find some excellent stuff in the Live Music Archive. Most of the concerts up here are audience recordings of highly variable quality, although a few are from the soundboard (you can sample them before DLing them. I just got myself a copy of a Spoon show that I was at, back in 2003--pretty damn cool. Here are a few highlights from the many bands available:

SPOON (I was at this 4/9/2003 Irving Plaza show; I remember Joe Davis pointing out the Kinks cover to me.)
ELLIOT SMITH (This full band show from 9/28/2000 is excellent. On the other hand, this drunken 1/31/2003 show, recorded 10 months before his death, is pretty chilling and shows how far he'd fallen.)
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE (Eddie Vedder joins them during a hometown concert in Seattle on 11/9/2004.)
THE FRAMES (This short but sweet 2/6/2006 soundboard show from the Dublin band sounds great.)
TENACIOUS D (You know what time it is? Tenacious D time, ya muthafucka, go! Fuck yeah! Check out this show from 9/28/2001 with Phish's Page McConnell joining them on keyboards.)

SMITHS REUNION HITS A SNAG

When I heard about Andy Rourke selling his bass guitar on ebay a while back, I thought that was the first domino that would lead to an Eagles' Hell Freezes Over-esque money-grab reunion (a rare instance where I'd be behind such a thing). Unfortunately, Marr found gainful employment, officially joining Modest Mouse after jamming with them in the studio. That will delay the reunion by a few years, methinks.

As you may know, there were very few fans of The Smiths when they were together; I don't remember anyone ever giving them a good review here in the U.S. Now suddenly they're on everyone's "greatest albums of all time" lists? Not only are 4 of their 5 albums on the Rolling Stone Top 500 Greatst Albums of ALL TIME (that's right, 80% of their albums, more than the Who or Led Zep), but "Blender's 500 CDs You Must Own Before You Die!" list has them on there:

THE SMITHS
Singles
REPRISE, 1995
Arguably the greatest British singles band of the ’80s. From the sublime (“How Soon Is Now?”) to the faintly ridiculous (“There Is a Light That Never Goes Out”), these 45s remain some of the most intoxicating and original songs committed to vinyl.
Standout track: “How Soon Is Now?”

Okay, NOBODY was giving them praise like this when these songs came out. Fuck music journalists and their revisionist crap. Really.

MYSTERY WHITE BOY: THE MOVIE

After the success of Ray and Walk the Line, it appears a Jeff Buckley biopic is in the works, tentatively titled Mystery White Boy. It will chronicle his early musical career through his untimely drowning death on May 29, 1997, and will be directed by Brian Jun.

I'm not sure how to feel about this one. JB was one of my favorite artists, and I even got to see him in concert twice. I can't even imagine who would play him, although someone suggested James Franco of recent Spiderman movie fame (who I suppose looks a bit like him; I sincerely hope he doesn't try to sing like him).



I guess I'm merely curious to see to what degree they screw this up. This treatment worked for Johnny Cash and Ray Charles, most likely because details of their early years are pretty far removed, and since they'd both recently died Hollywood could embellish the truth all to hell. But to me this is different; even his mother Mary Guibert, who handles his estate, said he wouldn't have anything to do with such a movie if he were alive. Personally, I don't he'd have a crappy MySpace site either, but at least they're striving for "authenticity".

I feel I might be saying the same thing I said after the disappointing Andy Kaufman biopic Man on the Moon: just watch the original Andy Kaufman stuff.

I hope I'm wrong.

Jeff Buckley Official Site