Wherever possible, there's a link to a YouTube video or an mp3 (thanks, random bloggers!). Those who did not make the cut: Lennon and/or McCartney, Elton John, Mariah Carey, Jim Nabors, Wham!, Jim Jones, Alvin & The Chipmunks, The Singing Dogs, Perry Como, Barney and Friends. Honorable mention: Death Cab for Cutie, Billy Crystal, James Brown, Run-DMC, Smashing Pumpkins, Kate Bush--there just wasn't enough room. Better luck next time!
20. Luciano Pavarotti - Adeste Fideles. Because you have to get your Latin on for Christmas, and who better to do it than the Biggest Tenor.
19. South Park's Mr. Garrison - Merry Fucking Christmas. Filthy, inappropriate, non-PC, and hilarious: yep, it's one of Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics from "South Park", back when they were shocking AND funny. It was hard to choose just one of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's side-splitting holiday tunes (Chef's "What The Hell Child Is This?", Cartman's "O Holy Night", and Mr. Mackey's"Carol of the Bells" are also highlights), but it's hard to beat Mr. Garrison singing these lyrics: "Hey there Mr. Muslim, Merry Fucking Christmas, put down that book the Koran and hear some holiday wishes! In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus' birthday, so get off your heathen Muslim ass and fuckin' celebrate!" Wow, that's fantastic. (You know, I haven't seen it on TV in a while, I wonder why?)
18. Beach Boys - Little Saint Nick. Before Brian Wilson lost his mind, they were a quality boy band.
17. The Pretenders - 2000 Miles. I love Chrissie Hynde. She's always been a class act, and this is a great, wistful song about being apart on Christmas.
16. Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree. The original and the best.
15. The Ventures - Sleigh Ride. Surf guitar kings knock this one out of the park.
14. Cocteau Twins - Frosty The Snowman. The original shoegazer band recorded this song in 1992. I love Elizabeth Frazer's voice, even if 90% of the time I have no idea what she's saying. (Unrelated note: "Teardrop" by Massive Attack is one of my favorite songs, and is also the theme song to House M.D., albeit with Liz' vocals edited out.) Remember: if it's not Scottish, IT'S CRAP!
13.The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale of New York. "You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot, Merry Christmas your arse and thank God it's our last!" Ah, memories of spending the holidays with my Irish ex-girlfriend in the Bronx. Hearing this song I can practically taste the pint . . .
12. Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby. Unfortunately, most people have only heard Madonna's abomination of this song, but this sultry, smoky original version is excellent.
11. Frank Sinatra - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. You know when Ol' Blue Eyes says the line "make the yuletide gay", he ain't talking about acting all queer-like; he's talking about knocking back a few scotchs and having a fun time. Capice?
10. Ella Fitzgerald - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. Great version, and the only one I know with that "I just got back from a lovely trip across the Milky Way" opening line.
9. Gene Autry - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I remember listening to this album in our old house at 659 Holmdel Road in Hazlet. Wow, just seeing that vintage record album cover brings me back to 1975. Yeah, he sang a few songs with George Clooney's aunt back in the day. 8. Burl Ives - A Holly Jolly Christmas. From the Rankin-Bass claymation legend "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".
7. Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas. I can picture the King washing down his fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches with a healthy swig of egg nog after singing this bluesy romp.
6. Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song. His mellifluous voice makes this the quintessential version of this Mel Torme classic.
5. U2 - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home). Recorded during a Joshua Tree concert sound check at the height of their powers. You know, before Bono tried to save the world and all that.
4. Vince Guaraldi Trio - Christmas Time Is Here (Vocal). West Coast jazz from the 70s TV classic "A Charlie Brown Christmas". I couldn't decide between this and "O Tannenbaum".
3. Bing Crosby & David Bowie - Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy. From "Bing Crosby's Merrie Olde Christmas" special in 1977, the little skit preceding it with Mr. Bowie pretending to be a "neighbor just popping in" is priceless. ("Agents sliding down the chimney!" Oh, the comedy.) Anyway, it's a fantastic song, and the "I pray my wish will come true" line still gives me chills.
2. Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas? This was an event when it came out in 1984, and I can still name all the singers that sing solo on this tune (in order): Paul Young, Boy George, George Michael, Simon LeBon, Sting, Tony Hadley (of Spandau Ballet), and Bono. Of course, there's also Midge Ure, Bob Geldof, Paul Weller, Status Quo, Kool and the Gang, Bananarama, the rest of Duran Duran, Phil Collins on drums, Marilyn . . . did I lose you yet?
1. Johnny Mathis - Winter Wonderland. The first track of his Merry Christmas (1958) album, it's not officially Christmas until I hear this song. Backed by the Percy Faith Orchestra, it's got just the right amount of spirit and schmaltz to carry me to otherworldly snowy realms. Sorry, it just makes me feel tingly, especially when he says "circus clown".
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(Just make sure you don't let that tree dry out.)
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