KWIK-E BLOG

It's the MUSIC DUMP version of KWIK-E BLOG: little things that I felt like saying that don't really deserve their own entry.

List of indie bands that are popular that I just "don't get": Arcade Fire, Of Montreal, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, LCD Soundsystem, Mew, The Knife, and Sufjan Fucking Stevens. They're all incredibly whiny and just ANNOY ME. I had to get that off my chest.

I hate when people say, "Oh, The Cars are nothing without Rick Ocasek, their lead singer." While this sentence is partly true, The Cars are also not the same without Ben Orr. Most people think he only sang the hit song "Drive", but he took the wheel for more songs than you might realize. For instance, the song "Just What I Needed", that we get to hear every 15 seconds on commercials for Circuit City, was sung by him, as well as "Let's Go", "Bye Bye Love", "Candy-O" and "Moving In Stereo". So yes, Rick Ocasek sang a lot of the later MTV friendly hits, but The Cars could easily perform those songs without him . . . well, if Ben Orr didn't die in 2000.

I used to anticipate Radiohead album releases. But at this point they've been working on this new album for 4 years or so, and I couldn't give a flying crap if they finish it or not. If they break up I could care less. Ugh. They've really turned into a disappointing ego-trip-laden mess.

Did any band flame out quicker than The Strokes? Great first album, incredibly short and forgettable 2nd, almost swept under the rug 3rd album with little reason to recommend it. Nice knowin' ya!

It's irritating to see The Jam are selling Cadillacs with their classic song "Start!" Ugh.

I want to go see Robyn Hitchcock in concert at the Knitting Factory. Since I can't find anyone who likes him, I might be going alone.

I caved in and bought tickets to see The Police, July 31st in Hartford. More on that later.

ROCK THE VOTE: MARCH BAND MADNESS!

It's March and of course it's time to choose your brackets . . . FOR BAND MADNESS! (Not marching band madness.)

A huge-ass bracket featuring 512 musical acts (placed in 4 brackets of 128) are matched up head-to-head until only one remains: THE BEST BAND EVER. Or something. Previous winners Nine Inch Nails are not in the running to make it more interesting. Brackets A and B are done, but Brackets C is up now and D is up tomorrow.

To get a taste of it, here's what last year's bracket looked like. I love the artist profiles, that breakdown how they did in the 2006 tournament:

Modest Mouse
2006 Tournament Results:
R1: Defeated Chicago (60%)
R2: Lost to Blue Oyster Cült (52%)

I guess Modest Mouse should have used a little more cowbell (I'm going to guess I'm not the first to make that joke).

John Lennon
2006 Tournament Results:
R1: Defeated Motley Crüe (80%)
R2: Defeated Garth Brooks (84%)
R3: Defeated Talking Heads (52%)
R4: Defeated Beach Boys (59%)
R5: Defeated Beck (63%)
Sweet Sixteen: Defeated The Who (51%)
Elite Eight: Lost to Johnny Cash

The Cure
2006 Tournament Results:
R1: Defeated Wilson Phillips (94%)
R2: Defeated Steve Miller Band (59%)
R3: Defeated John Mellencamp (85%)
R4: Defeated Paul McCartney (61%)
R5: Defeated Sublime (74%)
Sweet Sixteen: Defeated Rolling Stones (55%)
Elite Eight: Lost to Depeche Mode (58%)

Depeche Mode in the Final Four, and The Cure in the Elite Eight? Wow. Who knew?

2006 FINAL FOUR: Pink Floyd beat Johnny Cash, NIN beat Depeche Mode
FINAL: NIN beat Pink Floyd

As for the 2007 bracket, here's my Bracket C Breakdown.

The 1/16 matchups (the underdog doesn't stand a chance):
Johnny Cash (95%) vs. Village People, Led Zeppelin (92%) vs. Evanescence, U2 (92%) vs. Shania Twain, Metallica (91%) vs. Creed, The Who (91%) vs. Seal.
Ha ha, Seal! The only votes he got were for screwing Heidi Klum.

Surprisingly close matchups:
Jesus and Mary Chain (51%) vs. Incubus (49%). Please, J&MC beats any rock band with a "turntableist".
The Replacements (51%) over ABBA (49%). "Waitress in the Sky" vs. "Dancing Queen"? This should not be this close!
Queens of the Stone Age (53%) vs. Bob Seger (47%). Someone shoot Seger with a silver bullet. I guess everyone forgets those goddamn "Like a Rock" commercials now that "This Is Ouuuuuuuuuur Country".

Surprising upsets:
Robert Palmer (74%) vs. 50 Cent (26%). Wow. I think a lot of (caucasian) rockers are voting on this thing.

The 8/9 matchups (the ones I had the most trouble with):
Frank Zappa (65%) vs. The Cult (35%). I like the idea of Frank more than listening to him; there's only so much you can take at once. But The Cult is one of the most underrated rock bands of the 80s.
Beck (80%) vs. Psychedelic Furs (20%). I didn't think this would be so lopsided
Aerosmith (81%) vs. Toto (19%). That's a real headscratcher. I guess Toto sucks less. (?)

Ones I have to disagree with:
Rancid (58%) vs. Barry Manilow (42%). Somehow Rancid is winning this one, but Barry was on Colbert Report so he gets my vote.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs (62%) vs. Spoon (38%). YYY just isn't that great; Spoon is the shit.

It's hard to read this bracket to get a feel for whom will meet whom or The Who in the final 64, but it's definitely been anti-country so far, so I will be following it closely. I guess we'll wait and see. The irony: Madness is not in it.

GO ROCK THE VOTE . . . LITERALLY!

JOHN MEYER: EXPLAINING THE MEANING OF "YOUR BODY'S A WONDERLAND"

Hi, my name is John Meyer and I'm a popular singer/songwriter. I released my first solo album Room for Squares back in 2001 when I was only 24, and it was incredibly well received. You probably remember one of the songs from that album, "Your Body's a Wonderland". If you were a young female fan of mine back then, this was probably your favorite song. A lot of the girls in the audience used to sing the song back to me, and I really appreciated it. I suppose you imagined that I was singing the song about you. In fact, you might have even fantasized a little, and thought about what it would be like to discover me discovering you in that room for two. You may have even dreamt about me using my hands, which are admittedly kind of rough and covered with calluses from playing the guitar all the time. But some of you were really into this song, and it was all very flattering.

I just feel that I should clear the air, as this has been on my mind since I started playing it at every one of my shows. I think it's time I told you the truth about this song: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. It's about Jessica Simpson.

That's right. Look, I don't mean to be a dick, but when I wrote this song I really wasn't picturing all the pudgy teenage girls, frumpy housewives, and pale skinny chicks that came to my shows. And although I appreciate you, my most ardent fans, I definitely wasn't writing about swimming in a deep sea of blankets with you. When I sing about 'candy lips and a bubblegum tongue', it's probably pretty obvious I'm talking about a Top 99 Hottest Women type. No offense, but that's what I was picturing, and I'm not going to apologize for it.

Let's face it, I'm a big multiple Grammy® Award winning rock star now. I worked hard at my craft to get to where I am, and my idea of success isn't slumming with some porcelain faced groupie who lives with 10 cats and cries at rock concerts. It's about tagging the hottest piece of ass I can find. And if I'm going to drop $500 on dinner at NOBU, I'm definitely not going with some fat chick; I'm going to have a world class babe on my arm when the paparazzi snap away.

I hope you understand where I'm coming from, and I hope you're not mad at me. Although I think you're a beautiful person and all that, it's not specifically your body that is a wonderland. I hope we can still be friends. My newest album Continuum is available on CD and at iTunes.



Love,
John