For some reason, the song "Last Christmas" by Wham! has been covered forty bazillion times it seems. Okay, at least it seems like that on XM radio, and Amazon's mp3 store has nearly 100 versions of it available (including karaoke); though I refuse to install iTunes on my laptop I would guess they have 5 times as many. If you thought you hated the original (I actually don't, since I think George Michael has a great pop voice), just wait until you hear some of these horrendous cover versions. It's Christmasochism!
Britt Nicole. I can't tell the difference between this and any of 546 chick singers who wish they were Avril Lavigne. (See also: Leigh Nash.)
Hawk Nelson. This Canadian Christian punk-pop quartet--okay, I think we can stop right there.
Christmas Angels. They couldn't even get the line right, instead singing, "Once bitten and twice as shy." I'm thinking this is a band from Finland or Israel with a very tenuous grasp on the English language, at best. (See also: Bth and Eurobeat 4 Christmas.)
Caramelle. Soulless soul from the "Last Christmas 2008" collection. I have looked into the future, and this still sucks a year from now. Not to be confused with Cadbury's Caramello, which are delicious.
The Tamlins. This one breaks the first rule of reggae: it doesn't have a reggae beat. As a bonus it has tone deaf back-up singers. Definitely harshes your buzz.
Scala & Kolachny Brothers. I only include this because this German choir does impossibly nightmarish versions of "Smells Like Teen Spirit", "The Blower's Daughter" and "Creep". I'm having flashbacks to 8th grade concert chorus, when we were forced to do a stunningly bad Beatles medley.
From the dance club remix department, I couldn't decide who sucked more: Paul Active or Exone so you get both in your stocking. You click it, you buy it! No refunds or exchanges.
Collage. From "Planet Freestyle Volume 1", making me sincerely hope there isn't a volume 2. God, this fucking sucks. I hate Christmas now.
Christmas Hitters. This ponderous Muzak album has just a two word review: "Christmas Shitters". "They can't print that!"
Studio Group. Recorded at Studio. By Group. Released by Record Company.
Smokey. Ironic that he chose that name, since this guy's awful voice is pretty much the exact opposite of Smokey Robinson. This song is haunted by The Ghost of Falco Past!
Lars H.U.G. I guess they were going for "creepy European lounge lizard". Well played. Not sure what H.U.G. stands for, but this certainly does S.U.K.
Minuteman. Seriously, what the fuck is this? It faded out after 10 seconds, and should have damn well stayed silent.
Findlay Brown. From the album "The Best Kids Christmas Album In The World Ever Ever Ever!!!" Perfect if your kids are into folk music that makes you want to slit your wrists.
Britt Nicole. I can't tell the difference between this and any of 546 chick singers who wish they were Avril Lavigne. (See also: Leigh Nash.)
Hawk Nelson. This Canadian Christian punk-pop quartet--okay, I think we can stop right there.
Christmas Angels. They couldn't even get the line right, instead singing, "Once bitten and twice as shy." I'm thinking this is a band from Finland or Israel with a very tenuous grasp on the English language, at best. (See also: Bth and Eurobeat 4 Christmas.)
Caramelle. Soulless soul from the "Last Christmas 2008" collection. I have looked into the future, and this still sucks a year from now. Not to be confused with Cadbury's Caramello, which are delicious.
The Tamlins. This one breaks the first rule of reggae: it doesn't have a reggae beat. As a bonus it has tone deaf back-up singers. Definitely harshes your buzz.
Scala & Kolachny Brothers. I only include this because this German choir does impossibly nightmarish versions of "Smells Like Teen Spirit", "The Blower's Daughter" and "Creep". I'm having flashbacks to 8th grade concert chorus, when we were forced to do a stunningly bad Beatles medley.
From the dance club remix department, I couldn't decide who sucked more: Paul Active or Exone so you get both in your stocking. You click it, you buy it! No refunds or exchanges.
Collage. From "Planet Freestyle Volume 1", making me sincerely hope there isn't a volume 2. God, this fucking sucks. I hate Christmas now.
Christmas Hitters. This ponderous Muzak album has just a two word review: "Christmas Shitters". "They can't print that!"
Studio Group. Recorded at Studio. By Group. Released by Record Company.
Smokey. Ironic that he chose that name, since this guy's awful voice is pretty much the exact opposite of Smokey Robinson. This song is haunted by The Ghost of Falco Past!
Lars H.U.G. I guess they were going for "creepy European lounge lizard". Well played. Not sure what H.U.G. stands for, but this certainly does S.U.K.
Minuteman. Seriously, what the fuck is this? It faded out after 10 seconds, and should have damn well stayed silent.
Findlay Brown. From the album "The Best Kids Christmas Album In The World Ever Ever Ever!!!" Perfect if your kids are into folk music that makes you want to slit your wrists.
Peter J. Wheeler. The 2nd best master of the pan flute. (Enter dick joke here.) Once kicked Zamfir's ass in the bathroom of the Minneapolis Hooters.
Tony Evans and His Orchestra. Apparently Tony's "orchestra" is a cheap Casiotone keyboard. This "cha cha" version is guaranteed to induce seizures.
Roses Are Red. Finally--let's rock! Never mind, it's whiny emo rock garbage.
Valentin Movtosky. After all the other entries, this is actually starting to sound good to me. That's right, it's from "Golden Accordion, Vol. 1". Someone please help me.
Antonia de Lucena. From "Golden Guitars, Vol. 1"--what's with the golden instruments? Wouldn't they be too heavy and malleable to play? And why do we need the CD playing in the background of this, like one of those YouTube amateur guitarist videos?
Kidz Bop. These albums are incredibly awful. There are over 20 of them, and 9 of them have gone gold. This shit has to stop.
Elisa Mutto E Linda Cobelli Coro Dei Bambini. The Italian Kidz Bop.
No holiday would be complete without Crazy Frog, the fucking annoying ringtone that spawned five Top 20 singles in the UK. This is right up there with Kidz Bop, in that its very existence and subsequent popularity is completely inexplicable.
Peter Wheeler. From the illustrious "Christmas by Synthesizer", the album released before "Death by Synthesizer".
Band Orchestra Giuseppe Bovo & Majorettes Show. The only one that dares rock the glockenspiel!
Raunchy. Oh man, this sucks.
I'd like to apologize to little baby Jesus for this.
Tony Evans and His Orchestra. Apparently Tony's "orchestra" is a cheap Casiotone keyboard. This "cha cha" version is guaranteed to induce seizures.
Roses Are Red. Finally--let's rock! Never mind, it's whiny emo rock garbage.
Valentin Movtosky. After all the other entries, this is actually starting to sound good to me. That's right, it's from "Golden Accordion, Vol. 1". Someone please help me.
Antonia de Lucena. From "Golden Guitars, Vol. 1"--what's with the golden instruments? Wouldn't they be too heavy and malleable to play? And why do we need the CD playing in the background of this, like one of those YouTube amateur guitarist videos?
Kidz Bop. These albums are incredibly awful. There are over 20 of them, and 9 of them have gone gold. This shit has to stop.
Elisa Mutto E Linda Cobelli Coro Dei Bambini. The Italian Kidz Bop.
No holiday would be complete without Crazy Frog, the fucking annoying ringtone that spawned five Top 20 singles in the UK. This is right up there with Kidz Bop, in that its very existence and subsequent popularity is completely inexplicable.
Peter Wheeler. From the illustrious "Christmas by Synthesizer", the album released before "Death by Synthesizer".
Band Orchestra Giuseppe Bovo & Majorettes Show. The only one that dares rock the glockenspiel!
Raunchy. Oh man, this sucks.
I'd like to apologize to little baby Jesus for this.
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