A FISTFUL OF FESTIVALS

Here's the real 2007 Bonnaroo artist lineup (partial):

The Police • Tool • Widespread Panic • The White Stripes • Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals • Wilco • The Flaming Lips • MANU CHAO Radio Bemba Sound System • The String Cheese Incident • Franz Ferdinand • Bob Weir & Ratdog • Damien Rice • Ween • Gov't Mule • Ziggy Marley • The Decemberists • Kings of Leon • Michael Franti and Spearhead • Wolfmother • Regina Spektor • The Black Keys • Galactic • DJ Shadow • Gillian Welch • Spoon • Keller Williams (WMD'S) • Sasha & John Digweed • STS9 • Old Crow Medicine Show • The Hold Steady • Lily Allen • North Mississippi Allstars • Fountains Of Wayne • Hot Tuna • Feist • Hot Chip • The Richard Thompson Band • Cold War Kids • Girl Talk • Rodrigo y Gabriela • Annuals • The National • The Little Ones • Black Angels • Lewis Black & Friends • Dave Attell • David Cross

Alas, no Tom Waits and no Dylan--I knew the "rumored" list was bullshit. The only ones they got right were The Police, Lily Allen, Fountains of Wayne, Girl Talk, Annuals, Cold War Kids, The Decemberists, and a couple of minor bands. But they added Wilco, Flaming Lips, Tool, White Stripes, Spoon, The Black Keys, Manu Chao, Damien Rice, and Richard Thompson (not to mention the comedy of David Cross, Lewis Black and Dave Attell). So it's pretty damn interesting as it is. Wait a sec--HOT TUNA? Aren't they 500 years old?

Sasquatch Music Festival is way the fuck up in the Northwest, and features Björk, Beastie Boys, Interpol, Arcade Fire, Spoon, among others. It's 2718 miles from my apartment, in George, Washington. Get it? George Washington? Crafty, those Washingtonians.

In support of their 6th album Zeitgeist(to be released 07.07.07, a neat number and also my mom's birthday) Smashing Pumpkins will also be doing the festival thing, though only in Europe so far. And no, it's not a reunion. People are even nitpicking and saying "it's not really SP without D'Arcy and Iha", but I liken it to The Cure, who can be Robert Smith and anyone and still be The Cure.

Definitely not a reunion: The Jam will be touring . . . without Paul Weller. Huh? Okay, that would be like seeing The Cure without Robert Smith.

As always, these festivals never happen in the Northeast. Grrr.