Jan 31, 2007

POLICE FORCE STING TO DROP LUTE; REUNION WILL RAKE IN LOOT

You might have heard that the other two members of The Police are holding an intervention at the Grammy Awards on 2/11/07, making Sting drop the lute and forcing him to play good music. I almost thought about tuning in this year because of this to wonder how they'll sound. I bet they're going to play "Be My Girl - Sally". Or maybe a medley featuring "Synchronicty II", "Man in a Suitcase" and "Don't Stand So Close To Me '07 (featuring Xhibit and Fergie)".

Everyone is assuming a World Tour is to follow, or at the very least a few festival dates. For all of this to happen I think Stewart Copeland must have compromising photos of Sting that he's using to blackmail him. Whatever the case may be, here are some things you probably didn't know about The Police:

• Sting was born Gorbley Fantastico McSwiggan, which was changed to Gordon Sumner III before he finally switched to his nickname.

• Guitarist Andy Summers is deaf. (I mean, have you heard the guitar solo during "Driven To Tears"? Yikes.)

• Because of religious reasons, Stewart Copeland refuses to play the drums before dusk.

• Sting stole his nickname from the famous WCW wrestler Steve Borden.

• During their 1982 Synchronicity Tour, the band had a "rider" that demanded that they be provided with freshly caught haddock, 12 cans of spotted dick, lawn darts, a frisbee, and an accordion tuner at every show.

• Stewart Copeland once ordered a ham sandwich in Texas, and returned it because it had mustard on it instead of the mayonnaise that he clearly ordered. The sandwich was given to him at no charge.

• The song "Man In A Suitcase" was written about a man who was found dead in a suitcase attempting to sneak on board their tour plane.

• Andy Summers' favorite season is spring.

• Stewart Copeland's drumsticks are whittled from the bones of African cheetahs.

• "Tea In The Sahara" is based on a children's book by W. Somerset Maugham entitled "Everybody Poops".

• Sting practices "tantric sex", which allows him to watch pornography for up to 8 hours at a time without sleeping or ordering pizza.

KNEE DEEP IN THE WINDOWS HOOPLA

Microsoft has released Windows Vista, their latest attempt to mimic the current MAC OS, and I couldn't be more excited. And no, not because I love that "new operating system smell", it's because Jefferson Starship is helping Microsoft launch Vista. How you ask? By donating a song? Nope, by performing on a flatbed truck in L.A., San Francisco, Austin and New Orleans, presumably the only cities proven to have been built on rock and roll. To this news, I can only respond with a hearty "WTF?"

Over a decade ago Bill tried (and failed) to buy R.E.M.'s "It's The End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" for Microsoft's Windows95 commercials, and instead threw wads of cash at perpetual moneywhores The Rolling Stones to use "Start Me Up". But this is an incredibly odd choice--was Styx not available? I don't even know who is even in the band anymore (certainly not Grace Slick, the only one I can remember). I can picture Bill Gates coming up with this brilliant idea while in his Monty Burns-like giant airplane hangar sized office, watching a bootlegged copy of the "Star Wars Holiday Special" during the holidays (on a computer using Windows Media Player, naturally):
Bill: Who are those young go-getters? I like the cut of their jib!
Smithers: Uhm, that's the rock band Jefferson Starship, sir.
Bill: Why, those young space-age scamps would be perfect entertainment for our new Vista operating system! If they're good enough for Star Wars, they're good enough for me! Just think of the merchandising--the kids will eat it up. Get Darth Vader on the telephone.
Smithers: But sir, that special was filmed in 1978 and I don't think . . .
Bill: Pish posh! Get them now, and I don't care how much money it takes! Oh, and make sure we sent Lucas one of those "Happy Life Day" cards. *Blasted spineless liberals.*
(I assume he has a Smithersesque toady that works for him.)

Jan 26, 2007

BONNAROOMERS

From the "So Ridiculous It Can't Possibly Be True Deparment", it's the rumored 2007 Bonnaroo Music Festival non-official lineup.

The Police (headline), Bob Dylan (headline), Pearl Jam (headline)

Tom Waits, Willie Nelson, Umphrey's McGee, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, Modest Mouse, The Black Crowes, Ryan Adams, My Morning Jacket, Arcade Fire, Keller Williams Band, Hot Chip, America, TV on the Radio, Fountains of Wayne, Les Claypool, The Shins, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Toots and the Maytals, The Roots, The Decemberists, Of Montreal, Cat Power, Ozomatli, Perpetual Groove, Band of Horses, John Butler Trio, Nickel Creek, Medeski Martin and Wood, Lily Allen, Neko Case, Keiren Hedben (Four Tet) & Steve Reid, The Hold Steady, Earl Scuggs, Charlie Louvin, Man Man, Grizzly Bear, Konono #1, The Slip, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Uncle Earl, Annuals, Beirut, M. Ward, Cold War Kids, Girl Talk.

So there's the long rumored reunion of The Police on there, but Bob Dylan AND Tom Waits? Don't make me regret not going to this. Some of this could be true, but it starts to read like an indie music geek's wet dream, especially when you put all these on the same bill: Shins, Decemberists, Hold Steady, Beirut, M. Ward, Lily Allen, Neko Case, Cat Power, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, TV on the Radio . . . yikes. We'll see how much of this is bullshit when the official lineup is released on Feb 14th. If The Smiths are on there, I'm definitely taking a road trip. (Yes, that same tired rumor. Of course, Morrissey said he'd rather eat his own testicles, and since he doesn't use them for anything there's still a chance. Although I think it was over when Andy Rourke sold his bass on ebay, I'm still predicting a Vegas reunion in 2018.)

Meanwhile, reunions seem to be a tradition at Coachella, Rage Against the Machine, Jesus and Mary Chain, and Crowded House are all reuniting for 2007, as they go to 3 days. Every year I think about going to one of these, and every year I think about how disgusting the whole venture is. Plus, that's way too much time to spend in the desert. Although it would be funny if Damien Rice played right after RATM. Maybe they'll do some songs together. Maybe "Leather and Lace" or that Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow song.

I can't imagine how crazy the Rage reunion is going to be. I remember seeing them at the 1993 version of Lollapalooza when people barely knew them and THAT was intense. The concert was held in this dry dust bowl of a field (Waterloo, in NJ) and when the music kicked in and the mosh pit started churning, you were immediately covered in dirt. We decided to make our way out of the crowd and stood at a reasonable distance to listen to them, and there was a veritable mushroom cloud of dust in front of the stage. Good times, good times. I'm just not cut out for that shit anymore.

Jan 16, 2007

REUNIONS GALORE!

More reunions to warn you about:

GENESIS are set to turn it on again, touring with the "...And Then There Were Three" members (which means no Peter Gabriel, of course). Man, these guys look incredibly old, but then again they looked like old men in the 1981 videos for ABACAB. So far the only dates are in Europe, which is fitting because Phil Collins is HUGE in France (he was on the radio every 10 minutes while I was over there).

AMERICA have inexplicably reunited. They're putting out a double album this month with one disc of new songs featuring numerous guest stars, and a second disc of their hits "live in the studio". A pair of those guests, Ryan Adams and Ben Kweller, will be playing with on David Letterman tonight. "70s rock icons" might be pushing it, but they did have 3 hit songs.

What 70s band will reunite next? Bread? Orleans? And where's Seals and/or Crofts?

Jan 10, 2007

WHAT I LISTENED TO: 2006

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not by Arctic Monkeys.
No, they're not the second coming of The Beatles, or even The Jam. But you can believe the hype as these bloody lads can play, and the lyrics are quite interesting coming from a teenager. I'm interested to see what they do for an encore.

Everything All The Time by Band of Horses.
It's hard to beat this disc for sheer enjoyment. Just go download "The Funeral" now. Do it.

The Information by Beck.
Although I was secretly hoping for another Sea Change, this album has a good groove to it. Mr. Hansen can record an album like this in his sleep, it seems.

Gulag Orkestar by Beirut.
Out of left field, this album gets more intriguing with every listen. Former drummer of Neutral Milk Hotel creates something reminiscent of their excellent In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. Perfect soundtrack for your next Eastern Bloc Party!

12 EPs by Bishop Allen. These guys put out an EP every month for the entire year, and although I haven't heard all the songs plenty of them are on their website to sample. I'm impressed just by their determination. Meanwhile, I didn't do a damn thing in 2006.

Fort Recovery by Centro-matic.
Apparently these guys have been around for over 10 years, but I'm just catching up now. An effortless, solid disc. Think Wilco, circa Being There, before they went all weird on us.

Unplugged in Sweden by Chris Cornell.
Broadcast on the radio somewhere in Europe (I think) this excellent quality collection is technically not an "album". I've been begging for him to get back together with Kim Thayil and make an album like this; armed with just an acoustic guitar, you can really appreciate Cornell's incredible rock pipes. I was first alerted to this by the "Billie Jean" cover, which surprisingly doesn't suck. It's more than worth seeking it out for the Temple of the Dog and Soundgarden songs, and the Audioslave songs benefit from this uncomplicated treatment.

All This Time by Heartless Bastards.
See my previous post.

Nineteeneighties by Grant Lee Phillips.
Plaintive, folksy versions of New Order's "Age of Consent", Pixies' "Wave of Mutilation" and Psychedelic Furs' "Love My Way"? Sign me up.

Broken Boy Soldiers by The Raconteurs.
Brendan Benson smooths out Jack White's White Stripes histrionics to create a fun rock album.

Orphans by Tom Waits.
3 CDs worth of odds and ends, and all of it as interestingly weird as any of his best stuff.

Post-War by M. Ward.
I first discovered this songwriter through his Transfiguration of Vincent album, and went ahead and downloaded this "full band treatment" as well. Excellent stuff. I just hope his first name isn't "Montgomery", that'd be awkward.

Jan 8, 2007

HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY BOWIE!

David Bowie turned 60 today. I actually went to his 50th birthday bash in MSG, which I can't believe was 10 years ago. I'm more a fan of his 70s and early 80s work, and not as familiar with his latest stuff (that's not to say it's bad, it's just that I've only sporadically listened to it). Whether or not you're actually into his music, you can't deny that he's been a consistently interesting singer, songwriter, actor, and an overall fantastic performer. Of course, he also paved the way for androgynous performers across the globe, for better or worse.

On this occasion, I present the 1984 short film Jazzin' For Blue Jean. A promo for his less than spectacular Tonight album and "Blue Jean" single. Directed by Julien Temple, Bowie plays both pampered rock star Screamin' Lord Byron (self-parody, no doubt) and a fan trying to sneak into his show to impress a date. Very funny stuff.

He also recently guest starred in an incredibly funny episode of Ricky Gervais' Extras, which was already on BBC and is due to play on HBO this month.

PART I - JAZZIN' FOR BLUE JEAN


PART II - JAZZIN' FOR BLUE JEAN

Jan 4, 2007

ME ON U2 BY U2

I just wanted to mention that the coffee table book, U2 by U2 (which I got for Christmas) is a fascinating historical account of the band. Weighing in at 352 pages, this has hundreds of excellent photos and interesting commentary by their four members. They come off as pretty humble, and surprisingly insecure about their own success. And I found this fun fact: Adam Clayton, during a 1994 hiatus before making the POP album, decided to work on his technique by reading "Bass Guitar For Dummies". No, that's not a joke.

However, the book can never be complete since U2 is still planning on recording more stuff. In fact, Bono wants to "take things to the next level" . . . whatever that means. I yawn when I hear the past two albums, so a change would be good for them. I for one was intrigued by the POP/Passengers phase of their career, but I don't see them experimenting THAT much at this stage in the game.

REUNION RUMORS ARE AT A FEVER PITCH!

The Police reunion talk is at a fever pitch . . . whatever that means. Personally, I don't want them to reunite because I was at the final (public) show they played together at the Amnesty International "Conspiracy of Hope" Tour in 1986 (with U2, Peter Gabriel, Lou Reed, and . . . Yoko Ono).

Smashing Pumpkins reunion talks are at a fever pitch . . . but is it truly a reunion without bassist D'Arcy Wretzky (the best name to use if you need something to rhyme with Wayne Gretzky)?

The Smiths reunion talk is NOT at a fever pitch, but Morrissey did win quote of the year for this gem: "I'd rather eat my own testicles than reform with the Smiths, and that's saying something for a vegetarian."